The End

I thought it was about time for me to finish The Story. I am writing this onboard a flight that is 9 hours delayed, meaning that it is 3am and we have been in the air for only 33 minutes. It is going to be a long night to say the least and by writing this I might be able to re-capture the warm and fuzzy glow that surrounded me after my month at home. It has been slowly ebbing away and after being made homeless and now this, it is becoming a very faint memory.

After our friends hen and stag do's S and I had a get together of our own. Miraculously we managed to get both sides of the family to join in and had a splendidly British day out! The weather had been on and off but on this day the sun was out in our honour and it was the perfect excuse for the summer dresses to make an appearance. We all made our way to an old manor house in the New Forest and had afternoon tea on the lawn, it was by far the best tea I have ever had. Not only because we decided to accompany it with pink champagne but because the selection of cakes and sandwiches were simply perfect. On this occasion my low carb diet blew out of the car on the way there and I can't say I missed it much. What is the point of sticking rigidly to a plan if you can't enjoy life's moments because of it. My parents seemed more relaxed and happier than I have seen them in a while, my man's parents though divorced managed to be civil and enjoy themselves and even my brother, who is sometimes detached from family events, made a huge effort and joined in whole heartedly! It made my heart swell to take in the scene, our family all together sitting in glorious sunshine with beautiful surroundings and big beaming smiles on their faces. Stunning.

After tea we rounded off the day with a game of croquet, my brother did a sterling job of being 'games master' despite the jeers when an extra rule was found that hadn't been mentioned. I have to say that playing croquet in a long floaty dress is not the easiest thing and the ladies all came up with their own solution. My man's sister let the dress hang and swung delicate shots, while I decided to get outside help and have my man hold my skirt while I took a shot. On one occasion he wasn't there in time and as I went to hoist up my dress I somehow managed to hit myself in the face with the croquet mallet.... hilarious laughter from the rest of the family until I found I had actually cut my lip and gum and was tasting blood for a while afterwards. The lip swelling the next day gave me a pout that even Angelina Jolie would appreciate!

After already having 3 weeks at home there was none of the initial awkwardness with S that so often happens on my return. While in Scandinavia I put a barrier on my feelings and it takes a few days for him to break it down and for us to get back to well, us!

It was such a perfect day that it has definitely become my "happy place" and I can't help but smile when I think about it.

After a couple of days of blissful nothing, spent lounging in the sunshine, eating too much and ignoring the rest of the world, it was time to get back to reality. It was packing time! The Pickfords men arrived and it wasn't long before our house became a bungalow as the top floor disappeared into bubble wrap and boxes. We had to run around in front of them cleaning objects before they were packed, a concept that seemed a little lost on S but having explained that the oil covered container or dust covered box would stay that way until it was unpacked and who knows when that will be, he cottoned on pretty fast. We also had to take out anything that customs wouldn't like, bibles, home made CD's or DVD's, Christmas decorations, DVD's with dodgy titles or themes (Dogma was a definite no!!) and the same for books. Amazingly you are not even allowed to take playing cards! I have a collection of cards from different countries and airlines and was fairly amused by them being classed under "gambling" and therefore banned! We then had to run around after them cleaning the house until the Hoover was the only thing left to pack.

After they left (and after that delightful text I told you about last time) we noticed on the inventory that they had marked a few of our belongings as 'scratched'. One was our wooden dining room table and I knew for certain it was in pristine condition, I waxed it the day before and S had dismantled the legs the morning the packers arrived, we knew every inch of that table and it is like new. Unfortunately even after arguing with the packers we had very little option of what to do, yes we could get them to open the packing and send us pictures of the "scratches" but nothing would stop them scratching it themselves in order to cover their backsides. In the end I would rather know that it was packed in perfect condition and hope that it arrives that way too.

With our house empty it finally hit me that we are going. This is real. The adventure starts now. Boy is that scary!!

We stayed the night at a friends and I travelled back to Scandinavia the next day. It was the hardest thing to do and after a month with S and my family and all the exciting and wonderful things going on it was heart wrenching to leave. I felt physically sick on the drive to the airport, my stomach was in knots and my emotions were barely contained. Obviously the wall I usually put up had failed to appear and the shock to the system was profound. It was horrible. I am no writer and I cannot put into words how distraught I was. Not only leaving, but knowing what I was going into once I arrived. A confrontation with the 'friend' who threw me out, a month of different hotels while dragging all my belongings with me, and no reassuring hugs from S. I cried as soon as I turned my back on his car and I didn't stop until well after I had landed at the other end. I was shocked at the strength of my reaction but I wonder now if I wasn't just crying for this time but for all the times my inner wall has blocked me feeling it for the last 10 months. As you can imagine, it knocked a fair amount of the warm and fuzzy straight off!

Apart from the end it was the best 4 weeks I have had in over a year and it made me look forward to what comes next. Once this flight is done (which will be at midday!!!) I have a few days home before I return for my last and final flight on a B737. As I said in a previous post, leaving an airline job is very different to leaving an office job and true to form this will be no different. It's out of a strange airport, with a crew I have never met and lands at 4am. After that I just slope off into our future and much like the crew for that flight, I doubt I will even glance back.