Rebirth

So I said I had written this blog before, and I have. A few years ago I lost my job, made redundant with a whole bunch of other pilots. It's quite daunting at the age of 24 to have mortgage payments, bills, car costs etc and be sent packing from a company you honestly thought you could stay with very very long term. I was lucky with my first job, landed on my feet as they say and managed to get in with a great company flying 737s and then.. They just didn't need me anymore!

So I finally managed to find a job.. In Sweden. Not ideal. I don't like the cold for starters. I don't mind the odd skiing holiday but I like to return somewhere I know it won't take 20 minutes to leave the house because you're busy putting 16 layers on. Second, my boyfriend (now husband!) lived in northern England.

If you need to pay bills you need a job though so off I went. Rented out my lovely apartment in England and swapped it for a room above a family home overlooking a beautiful lake. Far far away from anywhere! It was winter, it was Sweden. 

It turns out I'm not too good left on my own too long, especially in the cold and dark. I started feeling rather sorry for myself and well verging on totally depressed. It was hard. Really hard. So I started a blog, this blog, well, not this exact one, the other this one.

Like now, it was anonymous, it was only of interest to my mum and a few loyal friends and I tried to just write what went on or what was in my head as it was, but leaving out the dark depressing boring parts!

The problem was that someone didn't like it. Didn't like me writing it. Told me so enough times that I started to doubt that I should. To keep that person happy I stopped. I stopped doing the only thing keeping me sane and giving me a bit of pleasure at the time. Maybe the person didn't know what it meant to me, maybe I should have been stronger and said "no, this is my choice, my life and thank you for your opinion but it makes me happy" but I didn't. I saved the posts on my computer and I shut down the blog.

Unfortunately, doing something soley for someone else's happiness and in spite of your own can lead to a drop of resentment. I really really regret stopping. I so wish I hadn't. I'm even more annoyed now that I've only managed to find 14 of the old blog posts and they are not the best ones. I don't write a diary and this could have been my diary. From that cold, sparse and lonely room to the sunshine, sand and baby filled now, it would have been a great journey to have written down. 

Even if only for my mum and those loyal friends.

Editors note: I restarted the blog on wordpress, subsequently found this original blog in the depths of the internet and have now shifted the newer posts back to here. It's a bit messy but at least I have all my old posts back and a great timeline of events.