Promises

I flew with a captain today who made a promise to his little girl. She was not allowed to eat a single sweet from January to November, and he would do the same. When he turned down a chocolate bar from the crew, I said "you know, she would never find out...". He looked at me with a very serious brow and replied "but I promised, and I would know". I was touched, his 8 year old girl should be very proud of her daddy and the commitment he is showing. It got me thinking about promises. We all make them, sometimes huge ones like promising to love and honour your partner, other times small ones like promising to return a phone call. Who decides which ones are bigger or matter more than others? We all know of a promise we have broken, I promised I would try and be less irrational or emotional about being out here alone and I definitely haven't managed that. I actually came to the realisation yesterday that I was actively trying to alienate S, because then being alone would be on my terms and not forced upon me. I crave human contact and miss him so much, but in the same breath I'm pushing him away to make it hurt less.

In our steps toward the BIG promise, I can see that it is the little promises that count. How you honour these translates to how you will honour the bigger ones. As my Captain said, HE would know that he had broken it and that is what made the difference. Here is one pilot who won't be cheating on his wife. Despite what I said to him, I believe it too, if you think breaking a promise is ok because no one will find out, then you are only cheating yourself. Come November, the Captain and his daughter will be celebrating their success together, he will have taught her a valuable lesson whilst enjoying her delight that daddy truly did do it with her and why would you want to cheat that?

On an entirely different note, my brother returned from Afghanistan today. I unfortunately couldn't be part of the welcome party and despite rushing home as fast as possible, didn't manage to speak to him before he no doubt collapsed in an exhausted heap. It is an example of the celebrations and gatherings that pilots are forever missing out on, our rosters and inflexible leave make forward planning difficult, and last minute changes near impossible. Men no doubt hide it better but it is a bitter disappointment each and every time it happens. I hope when S and I get to having children that we remember not to make promises we might not be able to keep. I hope not to be angry when he misses a party or birthday and remember that this is the feeling he will be having, knowing that there is nothing he can do to change it.

So here is a promise I will keep, I promise to keep trying.