Oceans apart

It has now been 7 months since I took the job in Scandinavia and it is starting to take it's toll. When I am working, it's not too bad. The captains are nice, the crew always seem to be happy and mostly we get one night in a hotel somewhere with good food. It takes my mind off home and what I am missing but just makes the days off so much harder. My dad came to visit last week and joined me in the cockpit on one of my flights. It was an absolute dream to fly with him and I am over the moon that we managed to organise it. He mostly flew Airbus during his career and I fly Boeings now so a good bit of banter always makes a flight go faster. He has gone home now though and my sparse flat feels even more empty.

7 months is a long time to be gone and even with an end in sight (another 4 months) I seem to have very little energy left to put on a brave face. I know it's not true, but I feel like I am the only one making sacrifices and everyone else is just carrying on like nothing has changed. S goes out drinking, socialising, complains about work and I feel like we never have quality time anymore. Well, how can you? What kind of quality can you have when you get snatched Skype conversations and the odd email. I admit, I bombard him with emails and somehow expect him to reply to each one. I forget that he still has a life while I am the one serving the solitary confinement order.

I'm trying to plan our wedding and I want to enjoy the experience but it is hard when most of it is done over the internet and not together with S. We live separate lives, meeting for a few days here and there and trying to maintain some kind of normal relationship. It can't be easy for him as I am constantly upset and snap at the simplest thing. I don't want to, or mean to but my frustration at this situation sometimes gets the better of me and comes out in the wrong way. Moving to the Middle East is going to be like moving in together all over again. Two independent and stubborn people trying to find a way to work together. As someone once said, a relationship is like two square rocks in a river, they bump against each other and rub each other down until they are two round rocks rolling side by side.

The next few months are going to be bumpy and I wonder if deciding to share the ride with the world was a sensible thing to do.. I can't wait to at least be in the same country as S. Anything has got to be better than this.